A Letter to Myself as Child

Bandung, February 1st 2018
         Dear the little me,

         Trying to write this letter somehow reminds me of Angela Aki’s song titled ‘Tegami’ which I used to listen and sing with Rizki and all my Japanese team back in the senior high. It’s the soundtrack of a movie ‘Have a Song on Your Lips’. Okay, forget it. It’s hard to write this letter actually, because it’s like I’m talking to my past, but here I will try to.

         Walked through this life for 19 years, I remembered you said that you wanted to finish your study quickly, faster than anyone you’d ever met. You wanted to skip the kindergarten and proceed to primary school instantly that time. When you were going to graduate from primary school, you told everyone that you were going to have acceleration class in junior high and senior high so that you could cut 2 years of your 6 years study. Then you were very ambitious that time that you would graduate from college faster than your cousin whom was two years ahead. Well, I supposed that was too ambitious. I might thank dad for not letting you do that crazy ambitions. When you grow up, you will know that enjoying your youth according to your age normally is really amazing. I would never regret it.

        I think I should thank you for taking such a big and heavy decision which was applying to SMA Taruna Nusantara. You cried, you struggled, and you also fought with mom. You had to leave home early by 15, leaving mom all alone at home and it was hard to just listen to granny’s sound. I knew it was hard for you, you had almost given up. But believe me, you will never regret that when you are in my situation right now. You will be grateful and feeling like you have taken the best choice ever. It was very awesome there, three years, with all friends and teachers that were very amazing, all those memories. I always feel like I’m missing something from there. But life must go on right? As so do your life. Ah, talking about senior high school, the news I heard a few days ago almost broke me into pieces. I couldn’t believe that your future school, which was mine, would be like so. What should I do? Then I read something on internet yesterday, “If you are miserable, dead-locked at one point, remember of your God.” Yes, now I just can pray for it to become better as soon as possible.

       Suddenly now I recalled that you always think that the world was unfair, you always blame others, anything for every of your failures. You were lazy to act but you wanted to be everything. Hey, you know, I learnt a lot. You might have a lot of dreams, targets, like winning competitions, being a medallist in OSN, or even being the best of the best in everything and everywhere. Girl, I learnt that life isn’t that one-sided. You won’t achieve anything if you don’t do anything. It’s ‘what you give, what you take’. If you give with your right hand, you will get as much as your right hand do. That’s life. There is nothing instant, even for an instant noodle to be digestible you have to put efforts on boiling water first. But never be pessimistic. I’m sure that being ambitious is better than being pessimistic. It’s okay to fail, but don’t ever fail again and again in the same spot. Always evaluate yourself and do better every day. Never give up. Once you’ve given up, it means that you lose, and I know you hate losing to anybody, especially yourself. Don’t give up, as I would never give up here. When you are losing faith of others, have faith on yourself.

       You’re amazing.:) Keep being you and don’t forget to be happy.:)

Will always by your side,
19 years old part of you

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